Dear Whoever’s-Going-To-Win the world’s biggest ever election,
I couldn’t think of what to buy you as a present, but I got my friends to chip in, and we are hoping to get you three separate civil wars in your neighbours to the North, West, and South. They are all in various stages of development, and maybe they’ll fizzle out, but as long as we have sufficient bastards available, pushing the line that they must acheive victory against their terrorist opponents at all costs, we’re quite confident. We even hear your predecesors have been contributing a bit of help themselves.
Hope you enjoy!