Most Wanted Nine for 2009

I’ve been tagged in a meme: what 9 things do the bones most want to see happening in 2009?

The bones, of course, are like those used in cleromancy to predict the future from reading their direction. But these ones typically do not have a clear sense of direction – that’s the problem. But they do sometimes seem to point somewhere. So let’s cast them and see.

1) The bones seem to indicate the uprising in Greece continuing to grow in strength, linking up with similar movements in the rest of Europe.

2) However, they might alternatively be suggesting that some of the most conservative judges on the US supreme court retire or die (death is obviously preferred, since it gives the bones more colleagues) and being replaced by liberals while Barack Obama has the chance. That would reduce the prospects of Roe v. Wade being overturned, which would mean illegal life-threatening abortions with sharp implements, such as bones – and these bones certainly don’t like the idea of being pushed into anyone’s cervix.

3) But the apparent reference to old conservative men might also be about Daniel Ortega, former leader of the Sandinistas and now president of Nicaragua. Are the bones predicting that he will see the light (again) and repeal Nicaragua’s anti-abortion laws, among the world’s most stringent? That he will remember the time when he fought for the oppressed and the downtrodden, before the Catholics got to him? Who knows.

4) The next casting seems to continue the Catholicism theme, with the Pope converting to atheism. At first it looked like the bones were predicting the old dirty bastard’s death, but then reconsidered – there are plenty of Popes-in-waiting ready to take over, but a Pope publicly converting would be best for actually putting some cracks in the edifice.

5) Someone who the bones definitely DO want dead is Mugabe. It would be like the assassination of Laurent Kabila in 2001 – removing a person who’s holding everything back, and letting the level of evil and bloodshed sink just a little bit. An assassination which, for all we know, Mugabe himself may have had a hand in. That’s not because Zimbabwe’s situation is especially catastrophic, of course, many places suffer more, but it seems like one where there exist sufficient civil society strength that an assassination, if successful, might be useful.

6) On that note, the bones certainly want one thing not to happen – namely, a renewed round of fighting in the east of the Democratic Republic of Congo, which is neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire, thankfully.

7) Getting a bit closer to home, the bones have benign wishes for a few groups of young spot-wearers in Oxford. They seem to imply a fruitful year for the Socrates Society, which the national newspapers inform me is a small philosophy club, and for the Oxford Living Wage campaign, a well-intentioned bunch of cleaners and students with some crazy ideas about poor people being able to spend time with their families.

8 ) The bones also predict, somewhat flatteringly, that Alderson Warm-Fork will get a place to do a PhD.

9) Finally, the bones seem to say something about someone completing their degree. Not clear who exactly, the bones are especially opaque on this, but someone who’s worrying a lot about things. The way this one bone looks seems to be something about enjoying things more and calming down, but it’s hard to interpret.

That’s the best that can be done: the bones are never very clear. Wouldn’t it be lovely if all this happened though? It would make 2009 the best year ever!

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